Today I want to talk to you about a company that just sings to me and my love for Mermaids and all things with an aquatic theme. Tales and Portholes is a company on Esty, run by the lovely Brandie Harris, who makes body-safe mermaid themed sex toys using 100% silicone that can be customized in color, density and effects, by adding sparkles to it or making it glow in the dark. With a variety of color combinations, densities and effects to choose from, the creative and unique possibilities are endless.

The Neried is what I would imagine a male mermaid’s dick to look like. Not that I ever imagined what a male mermaids dick would actually look like, but I’m pretty sure if I had to pick a dildo that I would say is the perfect representation of some mer-dick, I would definitely choose the Tails and Portholes Neried.

I was very happy that I got the opportunity to customize my toy. With so many different color combinations and options, I didn’t know what to choose. Taking a look at the many beautiful color combos Brandie already created, I decided to get a color combo from a previous design that Brandie did before. A combination of light blue, light turquoise green, and white with sparkles. An absolute beauty.

Here are the measurements for the Neried

Total Length: 6.5 inches

Usable Length: 6 inches

Head Diameter: 1.75 inches

Head Circumference: 5 inches

Shaft Diameter: 2 inches

Shaft Circumference: 5.5 inches

As for the firmness of my toy, I chose a dual density combo for a more realistic feel and to try both densities at the same time, to see just how frim that inner core was. My thoughts: Squishy, yet firm. But allot more squish than I anticipated. Before actually getting it in my hands, I thought the dual density on the Neried would be allot more firmer for some reason, being that it isn’t necessarily meant to completely emulate the male anatomy in its design. But with the realistic feel of that squishier feel of the silicone and that firmer inner core, it gave me something that I wasn’t expecting, but very delightful.

The first thing I noticed about this dildo was that it’s pretty damn girthy. This thing truly speaks to anyone who loves a dick or a dildo with some decent length and girth. My favorite visual points about this toy is the mushroom head and the scales along the penile raphe (if I’m saying that right). The scales were a nice aesthetic touch. And I liked running my fingers up and down on it. And being that this toy has a pretty large flared base, it’s also anal safe.

Now I have to admit when I first went to use the Neried, I was a bit intimated by its size. So, I got my most slipperiest lube and got to it. The best time for me to use any dildo is right after a clitoral orgasm. I find that I am the most relaxed and the most eager for penetration. It’s like a sudden craving that I have. So after having my orgasm, I applied some lube and started slowly. It is recommended that you use only water-based lube for this dildo.

I found insertion to be more allot more comfortable than I thought it would be. The coronal ridge is raised, but not significantly raised to cause any discomfort for me. I blame that on the delightful squish. *Wink* While I wouldn’t necessarily say that the head is tapered or what I define as tapered, it did make for a nice transition into the shaft as I felt myself hungrily accepting the length.

I found my vagina to be very accommodating to this toy. That Ladies and Gentleman is what the fuck a dual-density dildo is supposed to do. Make you feel comfortable. Make you feel like you can be yourself around it and that you don’t have to conform to societies standards to fit in. Because you’re perfect just the way you are.

As I began thrusting, I found myself thrusting faster and faster, which felt incredibly amazing. My g-spot was being stroked nicely and I was being stretched nicely. There’s just something about the feeling of being stretched that just does it for me. And while I am not one for girthy toys, the Neried has forced me re-evaluate how I see things in life. It made me want better things in life. As for cleaning toy, it was very easy as the Neried can be boiled, washed with soap and water, cleaned with your favorite toy cleaner, and a water-bleach solution. And no, the scales were no difficult to clean.

My only issue with this toy was the scales. They were slightly uncomfortable, like a light thudding feeling while thrusting is the best way I can describe it. But it was nothing that adding some extra lube to the scales couldn’t fix. If you’re someone who loves texture on your dildos or experiencing new sensations, I think it’s a feature of the Neried that you’ll love. I wouldn’t say I could do without them, since they add an aquatic aesthetic to the toy which I’ve come to appreciate.


Overall, I am absolutely in love with the Neried from Tails and Portholes. I love the design and the option to customize your very own toy. While I did find it to be intimidating at first, my intimidation went away as soon as I started using it. That squishy silicone has allot of give and works with your body, rather than against it, while giving me a nice stretched feeling that left me more than satisfied.

At this time Brandie has closed her shop for personal reasons and is not taking any new orders. If she does decide to reopen her shop, I’ll let you know. In the meantime, in between time, check you her Tumblr page, where you can see some of her beautiful creations.

Click Here or the Tails and Portholes Logo

A big, huge thank you to Brandie of Tails and Portholes for giving me the opportunity to review the Neried.