Wand massagers are a particular category of sex toys that just don’t impress me. I like direct pin point clitoral stimulation. And wands don’t do that for me. On top of that, they all seem to have this big bulbous head that can be obnoxious and can aid in my genitals going numb with annoyance. That still hasn’t stopped me from wanting to them. Because orgasms, duh!
Then I met this one. And even though wands don’t impress me too much. I like pretty shit. And this thing right here, is fucking gorgeous.
The Luoge Luminous wand, I mean the Luoge Cordless Silicone Crack Flash Av Rod Massager (I found two names associated with this toy), is a wand massager made with body safe silicone, ABS plastic, is rechargeable via a charging stand, and comes with a pink satiny storage pouch. Which feels nice. I’m going to talk about the waterproofing or lack thereof later on.
Now I did get this toy from Amazon. And it is not prime eligible whatsoever. It comes shipped from china and took quite some time to get to me. About 2 weeks, which isn’t too bad in my opinion, but still quite a long wait.
When it finally did arrive, it came in a white padded envelope that was and on the label, where for some reason it had an area for contents, it said “Massager”. I don’t know what the rules for shipping items into the US from China is, but I will admit I was a little bit bothered by it. While I didn’t think it was a huge deal, I still don’t think anyone needs to know or have any idea of what’s in my package. And I’m guessing because of how far it came, the box was a bit beaten up. I don’t know who to blame for that though. Them or the post office.
The silicone on the toy feels nice and smooth and I didn’t really see a seam. The plastic part of the toy had a nice smooth finish to it. Almost like a thin, matte silicone coating. The cracked feature on the toy was a really nice artistic touch and definitely bought something unique to the table.
The wand part of the toy is bulbous but not the size of your average wand, so regular wand attachments may not fit. But if you’re not too concerned with adding attachments to your wand and are just in it for the head, then you might like it. Because the wand head is significantly smaller than a traditional wand massager, angling the wand on my clit, was easier and felt amazing. The silicone on wand also makes for a nice to my genitals as well as I don’t use lube when I use wands.
The functionality of this toy is pretty cool. It has two gold buttons that are used to turn the toy on, off, and cycle through the patterns. The instructions say that in order to turn the toy on, you must use two fingers simultaneously to press the two gold buttons to turn on the toy. I found this immediately to not only be false, but annoying. The toy is turned on simply by what appears to be body heat of any kind. In my video demonstration, you will see me turn the toy on with one thumb completely covering both gold buttons, but this toy can be turned on by any part of your body like your thigh or your forearm. Even with one of your tits. No. Just me alone on that one? Moving right along then.
Another thing I didn’t care for was how the patterns are cycled through. In order to cycle through the patterns you have to use the down button on the toy (see video). But upon further investigation (investigation via masturbation), that button placement/functionality can be useful or not useful depending on plain ole preference. The placement of the button used to cycle through the patterns can be good when the toy is turned upside down. But can cause the patters to change suddenly depending on how you hold it when it’s upside down. Once again, preference.
I will say that I love the vibration patterns on this toy, and don’t find them at all to be annoying. I also love that it has three patterns that are consistent and have three intensities. The first one (which is the lowest) is really powerful. Buzzy, but mostly rumbly, which can reach really deep when you get it on the right spot. I’m in love with the first three. The other patterns are all pleasantly powerful (see video) and if you find the right one, it feels oh so good. And a small mention to the charger which is cradle style, I don’t care for it too much, as I like something I plug in and put in my drawer to charge. It does make for the most beautiful night light I have ever owned. Where were you when I was younger?
While awaiting the arrival of this toy, I did some research on it. And there wasn’t too many sources I could run to for this particular toy. While doing so I came across a video from an online sex shop that did a demo on the toy. And while taking about it they said the toy was “splash proof” and not to get the “gold buttons wet”. And when the toy finally came, the information on the box said waterproof and cap can be used in water. Both were wrong. Or maybe I was wrong. The outside of the box said waterproof, but the manual said something similar t not getting the part that turns the toy on, wet. So you can only clean the part that is assumed to touch your genitals. And that’s what annoyed me. The outside of the box said one thing, the instructions said another.
You see, when I got the toy, going according to what was written on the box the toy came in, I proceeded to wash the toy, granted that it claimed to be waterproof, but with the slightest precaution not to get the gold buttons wet. All of that was complete bullshit. I noticed that the ABS plastic part of the toy was allowing water to seep underneath it. By that time I had finished washing the toy. I immediately dried the toy off and tried to power it on. I wouldn’t turn on. So I let it chill for a couple moments and it came back on. Working just fine. While I really do like this toy and it quality, the instructions and packaging on the box is not 100% consistent on waterproofing details and lead to someone ruining their expensive toy.
*I did receive this product at a discount in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
*Please note that this review may appear to be altered on Amazon.com for policy reasons. I own and wrote both versions of this review