Is there really such thing as a good, a bad, and ugly experience with oral sex? I’d like to think so. Oral sex is one of those things that can be hot, warm, cold, or black, white, and gray. Just like all other sexual experiences can be. A good experience will leave you wanting more, while a bad experience will leave you with a not-so-pleasant taste in your mouth. For the new year, I want to do away with terrible clichés that some of us are still holding onto when it comes to oral sex.
Demanding Your Partner Go Down on you as though it’s Your God-Given Right
Nothing in this life is really owed to you. The entitlement of someone’s body to you is definitely not a thing unless agreed up for a brief moment in time. Communication is so vital during sex because it allows both you and your partner to vocalize how you interpret pleasure and what you like and don’t like in the bedroom. While oral sex is an act that happens pretty often in most sexual situations, it might not be an item on your partner’s menu from which too can order from. Some folks just don’t like giving head and that’s okay. It just might not be for them.
I would encourage you to have a dialogue with your partner about why they don’t like it, but don’t push it. If your partner isn’t into it, insisting that they try it again with you might come off as being aggressive. Let them reconsider (or not) on their own time. And no, you are not selfish for not going down on your partner because they won’t reciprocate. Just like it is their choice to not go down on you, it is also your choice to do (or not do) the same.
Insisting That Your Partner Groom Their Genitals Based On Your Personal Preference
Everyone has a preference on how they like to maintain their personal areas grooming wise. Did you know that it’s actually rude to tell your partner to shave or get a wax just because you like it that way? Depending on how you say it, you can unintentionally insult your partner. There are ways around asking your partner to groom themselves differently down there without offending them. One way is by simply asking them about their own grooming preferences for themselves and ideal preferences for their partners are and going from there. You may find that they will be more willing to compromise mutually when asked the right way.
Comparing Your New Partner’s Oral Skills to That of a Previous Partner
Some people just have a way of doing things or their just “Orally Gifted,” so to speak. No matter what, everyone’s style and level of expertise are different. Comparing one to another in many cases is like comparing apples to oranges. It simply doesn’t apply. And don’t tell your partner if you do. If you would like to make alterations to how your partner performs oral sex, you can make suggestions or just tell them what does and doesn’t work for you. Telling them that so and so was the best oral sex you ever had may cause them to feel insecure or not good enough when it comes to their personal skills. No one likes feeling inadequate. Especially when it comes to sex.
Ejaculating into Your Partner’s Mouth without Permission
Some folks are not okay with the idea of someone ejaculating into their mouths during climax. Some people just don’t care for the taste or even the presence of it. While some can’t always control it and honest mistakes are made, please don’t be an asshole and do it on purpose. If your partner requests that you not ejaculate into their mouths before going down on you and you agree not to do it, doing it may create distrust between you and your partner. This may cause them never to want to go down on you ever again and in all honesty, no one likes an unpleasant surprise. If swallowing is not your thing, tell your partner where you would like them to cum before going down on them. I find that giving a specific place to cum is better than just telling your partner not to cum and not offering an alternative spot.
Using Aggressive Physical Gestures as Way of Making Suggestions
Sometimes being vocal with your partner on how to please you isn’t always enough. When that happens, we might find ourselves either getting frustrated or innocently trying to help our partners hit that right spot while doin’ the do. No matter your intentions, it is quite distasteful to use physical force on your partner to make suggestions on how to please you. For one, its rude, and two, you can turn your partner off from pleasing you is this isn’t behavior that they’re familiar with. Sometimes abruptly pushing their head down onto your genitals can be intimidating, and for those penis owners out there, if your partner isn’t prepared and you push their head down on your dick, you might find yourself with their last meal in your lap.
The best way to communicate exactly how you would like your partner to please you besides vocalizing it would be to stop them from what they’re doing and point/show them how you like it. For example, you can point to a particular part of your genitals and say, “Try licking here” or “Make circular motions with your tongue there.” If you want your partner to please you in a specific way that involves using aggressive gestures, I highly recommend asking them before just doing it.
Final Thoughts
The reason why I refer to these things to avoid as clichés are because they originate from an outdated ideology. They can make your intentions seem ingenuine and can be quite annoying to your partner. Sometimes we don’t look at how our actions or the way we say something affects someone until it’s done to us. The biggest takeaway from this to treat others as you would want to be treated and have fun.
What sex cliché do you dislike the most?
As always, you use my code AQUAKINK15 for 15% off your purchase at theLionsden.com
A huge thank you to the Lion’s Den for sponsoring this post and helping me promote safe sex and healthy conversations in safe places!
For more information on Lion’s Den and their wide selection of sex toys and condoms, visit LionsDen.com