The idea of attending a swingers party can be daunting for some. If you consider yourself to be an outgoing individual who frequents bars and other social gatherings on the regular, this might be a breeze for you. For those who are new to swinging or attending a swingers party and are a little shy, being more social than you usually are can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. Meeting a potential playmate in person has a plethora of benefits. You can interact with them and see if the chemistry is there right away. Today I want to bring to equip you with some tips and tricks on how to break the ice at your next swingers meet up that will help with your confidence in navigating the swinger lifestyle.
Do’s
Do Your Research
It’s quite common for anxiety to occur when embarking on something new. Take some time to research the event you and your partner are going to and what type of event it will be. Doing this can help you and your partner prepare for the festivities. You will especially appreciate this information if the party is themed; it requires you to bring something or dress up for the occasion. Email the organizer and ask questions on what to expect, and if there are any hard rules you need to adhere to.
Imagine Everyone Is Naked
Not precisely in the sexy kind of way. If your nervous, know that you are not alone. Your probably not the only person whose there for the first time. Don’t be afraid to go up to someone and talk to them. It’s a social event. Socialization is highly encouraged. You might even find someone who is just as nervous as you are and make a connection.
Avoid Drinking too Much
It’s perfectly fine to have a little bit of liquid courage. It is not okay, however, to get shit-faced in front of a bunch of people you don’t know. It’s no secret that alcohol can help you loosen up, but I find that these events are more efficiently better navigated when sober. You want to be present both mentally and physically when taking that experience in.
Divide and Conquer
If you’re attending a meetup or party with a partner, it is perfectly okay to separate and interact with others. Read the room, find someone you want to be your potential playmate, and talk to them. It is essential to establish boundaries of your own and with your partner before attending a party and be sure to communicate them clearly. Don’t keep them in your head. If your there with a partner and find a person or couple you like, let them know that you didn’t come alone and introduce your partner. If you brought a friend with you, be sure to tell them that you met someone. Especially if you plan on playing with your new friends that same night.
Avoid Living on The Wall
It’s okay to just stand there for the first couple of minutes after you arrive, but try to avoid being posted up against the wall with a drink in your hand for the whole night. Your there to connect with others, and gluing yourself to the wall is not a step in the right direction. Without intention, it can make you look reserved, un-open, and not approachable. The fact that you’re there means you are open to new experiences, and everyone else is there for that same reason as well.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions
I believe in the saying that closed mouths don’t get fed. If you’re not sure what to do or how to go about things, ask questions. Walk up to someone and inquire about what’s going on. Having an inquiring mind is a great way to break the ice with someone, make a new friend, and meet a potential playmate.
Don’ts
Avoid Touchy Topics
Its always nice to have a stimulating conversation as it gets the brain flowing, keeps things moving, and has everyone engaged. However, subjects like politics might not go over as smoothly, especially in this current climate, and the last thing you want to do is turn what’s supposed to be a fun night out into a heated debate. Stick to light topics like tv shows, movies, pets, favorite books, and anything that doesn’t stir up too much controversy.
Don’t Get Too Personal Too Soon
Avoid talking about things like your finances or giving out your home address. This is obvious, but sometimes the subject can come up, and without realizing it, you’ve given someone you don’t know that well intimate/compromising details about your life. Once you get to know them for a little longer and your comfortable, sharing that information should be fine. Additionally, if you find yourself talking to someone who seems to be prying a little too much into your life, simply tell them that you are not comfortable with sharing that information at this time. Your space and privacy should always be respected.
No Self-Deprecating jokes
It’s okay to make fun of yourself during the conversation, but things can get awkward pretty quickly if you keep doing it. This isn’t a time to put yourself down and should never put yourself down anyways, especially not when you’re trying to get to know someone. Putting yourself down can send the wrong message and make you seem as though you lack confidence in yourself. You should be displaying your best qualities and allowing the other person to show you theirs during your initial meeting.
No Inappropriate Touching Unless Mutually Agreed
There is a right time and a wrong time to get all touchy-feely with someone. If you wouldn’t just walk up to someone on a regular day and feel them up, you most definitely shouldn’t do so at a party like this. Everyone’s boundaries are different, and the last thing you want to do is be known as that creep who keeps inappropriately touching people. It might get you kicked out or banned from future events. If your there with a partner or friend, it can also land them in hot water by association.
Don’t Assume Everyone Is DTF (Down To Fuck)
Boundaries and consent are a real thing especially when it comes to swinging. Unless explicitly indicated, not everyone is there for the same thing, and some folks aren’t necessarily there to meet someone to get down and dirty with on the same night. If the chemistry is there and things are going well, start discussing boundaries and what you’re looking for. If things are going well and you are, in fact, DTF, throw the ball in their court and take it from there.
Final Thoughts
Whether your looking to throw yourself into the lifestyle or taking baby steps, always remember to enjoy yourself, have fun, and know and respect the boundaries of others and yourselves. Swinging isn’t necessarily just about sex, or at least it doesn’t have to be. It can be about making connections and friends. And always remember to practice safe sex.
Thank you so much to the lovely folks over Swing Towns for sponsoring this blog post and helping me to continue to encourage engaging conversations around sex in safe places.
For more information, visit SwingTowns.com